Good Morning beautiful people! How are you? I feel like I haven’t spoken to you in a long time, but we all know, that’s not true lol! Anywho, today’s post is a very tough topic to discuss, but it MUST be mentioned because there are so many mommas out there that have either went through it or have no clue they have it! So today, I’m sharing my postpartum journey & how I overcame it!
What drew me to write about this was I came out and did something called a “cardboard testimony” this past Easter. Have you heard of it before? If not, it’s totally cool, that’s why I’m here. So it’s basically when people share one thing they went through on a cardboard & only use one word or sentence to explain it. So if you were someone who was always battling with anger, one side of the cardboard would say “I was always angry” then the other side would say, “God gave me a loving heart…” something like that. You can click the link at the bottom of my post so you can have an actual visual if you like.
April 26, 2015, I delivered my 4th baby Lovèah Rose and had an all natural birth. After going through my second natural birth, I thought I was strong enough to conquer anything, but I was wrong. When I returned home from the hospital, I struggled with nursing due to having a low supply of milk. This was something I’ve always dealt with with my older kids, so I really wanted to push to nurse no matter what it took!
When Lovèah was 6 weeks old, I experienced something with her that I would never forget. She was in her swing and I glanced at her and noticed she was stiff! I instantly grabbed her and tried to just blow in her face so she could take a breath! She eventually took a breath and my husband and I took her to the emergency room where they transported her via ambulance to the children’s hospital at VCU.
Lovèah & I ended up staying there for 2-3 nights. I pumped what I could every 2-3 hours, but I was only able to pump 2 1/2 oz total at some points! I mean I sat up for hours hoping and praying that I could just have enough to feed my baby! That is when it hit me…I felt helpless and every time the nurses would try to get the story of what happened to Vèah at home, I couldn’t think because I was sleep deprived and wasn’t eating very well either. I overheard some nurses talking to each other saying, ” she told me this happened…and the another nurse said, but she said something different to me…” I immediately broke down and had to explain to the doctor that despite what nurses THINK, I know what happened and my baby was not breathing! She then had someone come and test me for postpartum depression & the results were shocking!!!
It turned out since I wasn’t drinking water and I didn’t have a healthy diet, Vèah was severely constipated which in turn caused her to bare down and hold her breath a bit too long, causing the stiffness. I felt like a failure & a horrible mother!
I got home and was very overwhelmed with nursing, caring for the house (what I could do at least), getting my older kids to school, making sure I didn’t neglect their feelings, plus have time to show my husband I love him. Just when I thought it couldn’t get worse, I was still mourning the loss of my 4th pregnancy. All of the feelings just came back and hit me strong! But God…
He used 3 of my friends from college to help me with my nursing. Every night they said I could contact them with questions or concerns or just to vent. It didn’t matter the time, they always answered! I felt a sense of hope & things started to turn around! I was even able to pay for a Lactation Consultant who taught me the proper way to nurse! And my milk supply slowly began to increase, Vèah was not constipated anymore, my kids loved on me more and I wasn’t frustrated or angry for no reason. I even had a chance to explain to Jason what I was going through and he helped out as much as possible!
I received healing from losing our baby May 24, 2014 with the Hillsong United song called, Oceans. The Lord placed it on my heart and I listened to it on repeat every single day until I was totally healed from postpartum depression & even during my grieving stages. And for that, I am forever grateful and I live to share my journey with other mamas. Just to provide a sense of hope. ?
My dose of Motivation for you who are battling from postpartum depression is, if you feel like something isn’t right with yourself, like you are usually bubbly, but now you’re down in the dumps… you feel like you’re suffocating in your thoughts… GET HELP! Please just talk it out with your PCP because you never know how severe it could be!
Know you are doing an AMAZING job mama! You are NOT a failure! Your baby or babies love you without a doubt! You HAVE peace in your heart & in your mind! You Are beautifully & wonderfully made in Christ! So I speak peace to your thoughts today & command JOY to come in & ooze out of your pores! Lots of hugs & love! ?
Cardboard Testimony Link: https://youtu.be/uTgU54YtoYY
Until next time, “laugh hard, love harder, capture each moment & sprinkle a little joy in someone else’s life.” – XO Shona~