Good afternoon & welcome to another moment with Shona! How was your weekend? If you’re a mum, how was your Mother’s Day? Mine was very special! I was able to send off a gift to my mother (she cried of course) and I was able to do a special post for my sister LèChelle as well.
I’m still in recovery mode from oral surgery, so I didn’t go to church nor did I go out. I was home and my kids served me breakfast in bed & I was able to use my breakfast in bed coupon my six year old gave me! All of them wrote such special cards that made me cry tears of joy! It was beautiful. I’m kind of still in Mother’s Day mode, so I wanted to write something specifically for my children. They will be able to read this post when they’re older.
From the time you were in my belly to the time I heard your first heart beat, you made my heart happy. As I watched you grow & witnessed your personality shine, I wondered how I would protect this little boy of mine? What you don’t know is, God promised me that I would have a son. He gave your dad your first name and God told your dad that his wife (that’s me!) would have your middle name! God told me my husband would have your first name! Crazy story huh? Let’s just say you were always meant to be and with that being said, I didn’t need to worry about the how’s because God showed me everything.
I am thankful that I get to call you my son. As your mother, I stand in the gap and pray on your behalf. I prayed for your total healing of Glycogen Storage Disease type 9. Remember how I taught you to lay hands yourself and say, “my name is Jeremiah & I am HEALED?!” There is power in your tongue Jeremiah! I want you to always remember that! You have what you think & say! You spoke healing over yourself and now look, you’re walking in that healing! I feel deep down that I need to start drilling words of affirmation over you. I want to encourage you to do your absolute BEST in all you do. Don’t think for a second that because something looks hard, that it’s impossible to accomplish. When you encourage yourself & stand tall in the mirror and declare that you CAN do hard things & that you have the mind of Christ, ALL negativity will flee! Why? Because it’s all part of that belief system!
You are VERY intelligent Jeremiah! I can say this until I’m blue in the face, but if you don’t believe it, words just hit the wall. When I look at you as a nine year old, I see a leader, I see compassion, and I see loads of potential! I am so proud of you for putting in an effort!
I know we tend to bump heads quite a bit. Sometimes I feel a separation from you and it makes my heart so heavy. I am sorry for every harsh thing I’ve ever said to you to hurt your feelings. I’m sorry for not hugging you more and saying I love you daily. I want you to know that I truly do love you. I love the way you care for others. I love the way you are concerned when someone is hurt. You’ve always been that way even as a toddler. So when I see you acting out of character towards people and especially your sisters, I know that that is not the Jeremiah I know. Because you were created in God’s image, you ARE love! And I expect nothing nothing less than for that love to ooze out of your pours. You have taught me how to love harder & be slow to speak.
Love Mommy ❤️
Sometimes I feel like I didn’t get a chance to really bond with you because I had you & Rèinah so close together. Sometimes I feel like I don’t pay close attention to your needs & wants because I tend to say, “not right now or maybe later…” other times I feel like I pay more attention to Rèinah more than you & for that I apologize. I don’t play favorites, but I can see how it would seem like I love Rèinah more. I am making it known today that I love all of you guys EQUALLY.
Your willingness to challenge yourself with art projects is mind blowing! You have taught me to take risk and not be so up tight about creating art. You have taught me to just let go and be free with my paint! I never thought that I would have a child that is just like me. The way you try to make every detail so perfect & get upset to the point of tears when it’s not is EXACTLY like me! Niyah, know that in life you are going to make mistakes & there is no need to be so perfect. The only One who is perfect is God! So take your mistakes & learn from them.
I also want to tell you from the jump that you are strong, you are intelligent, you have a voice, & you are beautifully and wonderfully made by God! I know it hurts your feelings when people call you small. Don’t let that bother you. Instead, let them see your heart. Your personality speaks louder than your height.
To my second oldest daughter, Rèinah Elyse Kathleen:
Dear Rèinah- Rain,
You have such a sweet spirit. I appreciate you because you are always willing to help out in any way possible. It doesn’t matter what you are doing, if I need something from upstairs, you stop and say, “I’ll help!” I can definitely see you doing something with hospitality when you’re older, but we shall see.
Your eagerness to learn is amazing. As you prepare for testing for the gifted program, please know that whether you’re accepted or not, you are VERY intelligent! No test score will determine that in my book!
Thank you for showing me how to balance out my love. That may sound weird, but I noticed after I had Lovèah, a lot of my attention shifted to her. I felt so badly about because I felt jealousy rising. I tried my hardest to show you that you were still my baby, but at times I think I failed because I was so deep in postpartum depression. Once I was completely healed, I made sure to spend time with not just you, but your siblings individually. I enjoys our story time snuggled up in the bed. Thank you for being patient with me during that time frame.
Love, Mommy ?
Dear Angel Baby,
As I sit here just thinking about you, I get teary eyed. Your second birthday would have been approaching May, 24th. There are days when I just sit and think of when I carried you. I never felt like I was pregnant. I didn’t experience morning sickness or even headaches like I normally would during my pregnancies, but I knew you existed.
I still can’t believe I never got the chance to meet you. I never got the chance to smell that sweet baby smell immediately after birth. I never got to feel your warm touch, clip your tiny nails, kiss your soft cheeks, run my fingers through your hair, or watch your little chest rise up & down as you sleep. I never got to whisper softly in your ear that I love you with my whole heart.
It is so hard losing a child. When I got the news that you had no heart beat, I was devastated and in denial. I want you to know that I will always love you & celebrate your life. I will always tell your siblings about you so they never forget their Angel baby. Although I’m at peace, it doesn’t erase the fact that I will miss you. It doesn’t erase the fact that a piece of my heart traveled with your soul to heaven.
Love, Mommy ??
To my Rainbow baby, Lovèah Rose:
When I think of you I think of joy & contagious laughter. You brought me peace in the midst of a terrible storm. You opened my eyes to see the strength that was hidden inside of me. You constantly keep me on my toes and always show me how to express my love more deeply. You taught me how to exercise patience & how to stop and take notice of progress. You even taught me how to be cautious of the way I speak & the time of voice that I would allow in my home.
How can a two year old so such things? I think it’s because you are literally my joy! I mean the word LOVE is embedded in your name! Thank you for mending my broken heart. Thank you for always noticing when I need a big hug. Thank you for always being my little blossom of light after being stuck in darkness for so long. You are my little ray of sunshine & you always will be.
Love, Mommy ?
I love all of you now & forever…
Until next time, “laugh hard, love harder, capture each moment & sprinkle a little joy in someone else’s life.” – XO Shona~