Hey, hey! I’m back for another post! This post is pretty special because it is in honor of my 11 year wedding anniversary, which is TOMORROW!! I want to take some time to share 11 things I’ve learned from being married to the love of my life.
I also want to write this because you rarely hear great stories about marriage. Like everyone is separating for a period or worse, getting divorced. Of course I don’t know everyone’s story, but I find it to be so sad that marriages are ending left and right! From friends, family to celebrities… the list goes on! But you know what, jason and I don’t believe in divorce unless one is in danger of course. But if not, then we are in this thing forever!
11 Things Marriage Has Taught Me:
1. Be sure to have a tight knit on your finances BEFORE you walk down the aisle.
* This is so very important especially for the male in the relationship. It is so major to have at least $1000 in a secure spot and be constantly building on that contingency fund. This means, you DO NOT touch that money no matter what! It is there for security for your future family. We made the mistake of not doing this and we struggled with finances for years! We didn’t have a financial plan. It was pay tithe at church (10% of check), then bills and whatever was left over (which wasn’t much) was towards food. We didn’t even go clothes shopping, that’s how bad it was! So it is better to plan out your savings far in advance than to wait until you are married and on the struggle bus. #BeepBeep
* To some, this may seem so easy, especially for a believer. But when you are faced with trials after trails, trusting God can be rather difficult! My husband Jason has had eight jobs since we’ve been married. Out of all of those jobs, he has been underpaid as a Graphic Designer! No I am not joking. We had to figure out how to keep God first & trust His divine plan and keep moving forward no matter how hard things got! Now, it was tough, but once we stayed in God’s word and read up on His promises, things got easier!
* When women hear this, they usually are quick to jump down throats and say, well if he doesn’t respect me then I’m not respecting him! I just want to say slow down a bit and listen to what I have to say. The way men feel loved is when you respect them. Respect his hard work! Respect him for getting up early and being the last one to go to bed at night because he is up grinding for his family! Respect him for doing the dishes on your night in the kitchen because you said you didn’t feel up to doing it. Respect him for the little things he does that sometimes go unnoticed. Respect him for fixing your vehicle and making sure you are safe at all times. Respect him for keeping God first. Respect him for treating you like the Queen that you are! And respect him for being true to every vow he said at that alter on your wedding day. I have shown respect towards Jason because I love him with all my heart. He needs to know and feel that love through respect.
* As newlyweds, this comes pretty easy. But as time goes by, things happen, stress comes and goes, your schedules become jammed packed which leaves little time to spend as a couple. Newlyweds think this could never happen to them and having sex with their spouse is always going to happen even when they are dirt tired. Let me tell you, that is so not the case! As years go by, you do become way closer, but there are also times when intimacy becomes harder, especially when high levels of stress are involved. One key thing that works is communicating your needs to your spouse. Now I’m not saying the husband should text his wife and say, “hey woman, when are you gonna give me some?!” By all means N to the O!! NO!!! Communicating to your spouse in a respectful, romantic and sexy way is what gets you back in the swing of things. Flirting with your spouse is so sweet & can trigger intercourse by the end of the day. But it’s not all about intercourse so don’t get it twisted. Intimacy is about spending quality time with your spouse. You can send your kids to a relative for the weekend and be free to roam the house in your birthday suite. Wives can cook a meal for two in lingerie. Both of you can take a bubble bath and play some smooth jazz and talk about your day. I mean the list goes on! Just make it fun & spark that fire again.
* There was a time I believe two years ago when Jason and I were so upset with each other that we didn’t talk for days! It was like we were just roommates! It was really terrible. My chest was always heavy, when he walked in the room it was awkward silence. We only had short conversations and it was always relating to the kids. It was so bad that one day, I answered the front door to find cops at our door. I thought they had the wrong house, but they asked for Jason so I had to wake him up. After the cops left, I went in our bedroom & asked jason what that was all about?! I found out he was in a minor car accident and it was someone else’s’ fault! I couldn’t figure out for the life of me why he didn’t tell me! We got into a heated discussion because we realized it had to take cops coming to the door to break the ice! That, was NOT cool!! We never got into a heated discussion since then. Disagreements are great to strengthen relationships, but when you wait to discuss things that are heavy on your heart, it could get real ugly within seconds!
* Oh my gosh y’all, if you don’t know know your spouse’s love language, PLEASE take the test asap! This is how you communicate to the love of your life! Jason’s love language is words of affirmation & physical touch. Mine are acts of service and quality time. Once you find out how your spouse receives love, it will be so much easier to live in harmony. This eliminates a lot of conflict!
* The five love languages are: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time & physical touch. You can take your test at this website: http://www.5lovelanguages.com
* When we got married, I was home all day with no special plans really. I just took care of the house when I didn’t have class ( I was still at Oral Roberts University). We were in a 1 bedroom apartment that was crazy small and had wasp and scorpion issues! Our neighbors above us we’re always arguing and we could always hear them having intercourse, which was just disgusting! Even with that, we we were grateful for our small beginnings. We loved our first apartment and loved being upgraded every time we moved! First it was a 1 bedroom & 1 bath apartment, to a 2 bedroom 2 bath apartment, to us renting our first nice 3 bedroom 2 bath home (rat issues and all), then to us moving from Oklahoma to Virginia and renting our second home, which was 4 bedrooms & 2 baths! And now we OWN our own home with 4 bedrooms 2.5 baths, and a laundry room in a great neighborhood! Count your blessings friends!
* This is a big one! Because I am the one living with my husband, I know the ins and outs of his stress, doubts, fears, dreams and even his victories! I know what triggers his emotions and what causes him to shut down all together. I know what key things stress him out the most and I know how big his dreams are. With that being said, it is my J-O-B to keep him covered in prayer. He is the head of the household, so he faces a lot of things that he probably hides from me, just so I don’t worry so much. But, when prayer is consistent, God reveals those hidden things so that I’m able to send out an alert to the Devil that my husband is God’s child and he needs to back off! I pray over every area of his life so that God can show up and show out!
* For years I struggled with this. I always kept things balled up inside of me and once they came out, too much time passed and it was just a pointless conversation. I have learned to speak out and tell my husband what I would like him to help me with. If I need help cleaning or folding piles and piles of laundry, I ASK for help!! If I wait, I get burnt out and often times very frustrated because I’m exhausted! He can not read my mind! Even if it’s something super simple, just tell him so there is no room for frustration to slip in.
* I used to think Jason hated me because I felt like I didn’t encouraged him enough. I even felt like a horrible wife because I would always think of encouraging words in my head, but as far as it coming out of my mouth, that was a different story! I have gotten so much better with this! I tell him how much he means to me and our family. I tag him on Facebook and tell the world how much of a hard worker he is. I do random things sometimes too! It feels great to finally speak out and love on home more!
* Every single year, God shows us how POWERFUL He is! He has NEVER left our side and He never will! He has always been leading us right from the beginning! From the first time we went to a movie when we weren’t even dating to the time when Jason surprised me and flew to R.I. to ask for my hand in marriage. God planned out everything in our lives & He creates small pockets of challenges so we would continue to learn how to stand still and LISTEN to His instructions. God has this marriage in the palm of His hands and for that, I am truly grateful! We will end the curse of broken marriages! We will set the example for those who have a heart for marriage. And we will do it with the help of our Heavenly Father!
Cheers to learning more about each other as the years go by. I love you now, and forever. XoXo
Until next time, “laugh hard, love harder, capture each moment & sprinkle a little joy in someone else’s life.” – XO Shona~